Molded

Who will you be? Who will you see? Jacob or Israel

Wow! I have just come out of some of the most challenging, thought provoking, deep and incredibly intense meetings. It was supposed to be a marriage conference and then a Sunday morning service with Doni & Reba McGuire, but it was so much more than that. It was an encounter with the creator, a revelation from the Father, and a meeting with my Beloved all at the same time. I learned more this weekend about the nature of God than I believe I have ever understood in all the years I have walked with Him. I don’t know that I can do any of it justice but I will try…We spent the weekend studing the Song of Solomon in an abrievated way, I got the CDs and can’t wait to get the meat of it all from the teaching that Pastor Doni did at his home church in an 8 week series, but just the little we got in 2 days rocked my world.

Today he spoke about the difference between being created and being formed. (Just so you know, this may mess up some of your theology). It is so deep I can’t even begin to explain it, but he ended with the story of Jacob and confessed he had preached this message several times but it was not until a few weeks ago as he began to really study and read for himself what the word actually said that God revealed the truth of this passage….Jacob wasn’t wrestling with God, he was wrestling within himself the battle between his flesh and his spirit and God grabbed hold of him …Jacob didn’t grab hold of God, God grabbed hold of Jacob and said “I won’t let you go til you bless me!” God wasn’t willing to let Jacob go until Jacob (his created, flesh self) became Israel (his spirit man, the man God formed him to be). And the hip socket…when you have an encounter with God, your walk changes. Isn’t that incredible to think that God loves us so much that he will grab hold of us and not let us go until we are walking in the destiny he formed for us.

Puts humanity into a whole new light too. Within each of us lies the created man, our flesh, but also within each of us is a divinely formed nature that God has placed there…a spirit being, a new nature that God is calling out of us. Will we be obedient to call it out of others? Will we see others for the person God formed them to be or will we judge them for who they are in the flesh? How will we respond to people who don’t look like us, think like us, share the same beliefs we share…God died for them too and they were made in the likeness and image of God just like we were, so somewhere inside them is a call, a divine purpose, a piece of God, will we see it and call it forth?

Doni said something yesterday that struck me…”There are many ways to Jesus, but only one way to the Father – through Jesus.” Does it matter how someone ends up at the cross as long as they end up there. I confess much of this messed with everything I had ever been taught, messed with my hidden pride, yet has amazingly brought such clarity and understanding to me about the nature of the God. God, help me not be so self-righteous that I can’t see your ability to use and do whatever you want to save your creation.

Tweet This Post

The Flashlight

Let me begin by saying I have not a clue where I am going, there are about 900 thoughts racing through my head. It hasn’t stopped since I came home read everyones’ comments to last nights blog and headed off to a marriage conference lead by Doni & Reba McGuire (daughter of Dottie Rambo – in case that means something to you). I feel like I am on a conference call with God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit and they are all giving me directions at the same time. (Before anyone panics, I’m not embarrassing some new doctrine I just feel like I can’t take it all in before God shows up and shows me something else.

Tweet This Post

Tough Love!?!?

Today I read a post by an old friend about the funny and challenging parts of parenting not knowing what the evening would hold. I truly enjoyed his post and laughed through it.

Right now we live in very tight quarters. The children are all sleeping in the same room and have the other room as a play room for their toys because our downstairs neighbor smokes and the smell comes through to that room so a few months ago we moved Caleb into the room with the girls and all the toys into his room. At first they thought it was fun, but as you can imagine with an 11 year old boy, an 8 & 7 year old girls the newness wore off quickly. We have tried to be patient, we have limited their chores to only 2 things…one of which was simply clean their room, I have periodically gone in and cleaned out and helped organize the room so that it would be easier to maintain. Yet with all of these modifications, they have still had a very difficult time working together and and doing their 2 chores and tonight it all came to a head.

When I sent them in to clean their room, one child amazingly had to go to the bathroom while the other two sat on the bed and looked at the mess. After a few minutes of secretly watching what was going on, I sent them out. I sent Johnny out to the car to get the boxes I had brought home for packing. I packed up everything in their room. They now have their beds, their clothes, their Bibles and their school stuff in their room and the playroom is completely off limits. We explained to the children that if they are caught playing with anything in the room that item will either be in the trash or in the yard sale pile. Needless to say, my children were upset, probably even really mad. I didn’t do it to be mean, I did it to teach them responsibility.

Did I handle this situation perfectly? I doubt it, but God doesn’t require me to be perfect, He just requires me to do my best. Somehow I am sure when my children grow up this will be one of the stories they tell their friends of how “mean” their parents were, but if they learn a lesson then I guess it will be work it.

Tweet This Post

Different Perspective

Today I actually got home before 8:30 and got to watch part of the National News. It was really the first time I had heard or seen anything on the news about the VT tragedy. I saw an interview with the parents of one of the students killed and listened to them tell people to enjoy their children and make memories, because that is all they had, but seemed at peace with the fact that they had lots of good memories.

Then I watched as they showed pictures and video snips of the killer. I was moved by the crazed look in his eyes and the inability to understand and make sense of his comments and it hit me that is what it means when the Bible says the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. What happened to this Young man that opened the door for the enemy to gain such ground and bring him to such a desperate place that this seemed like his only option? I believe God’s heart is just as grieved for the loss of this boy as He is for all of the people that were killed by this young man’s hands.

I was also struck by another thought, a thought that had plegded me all day, long before I watched the news tonight…every “little” sin that we don’t think much of is an attempt by the enemy to steal, kill and destroy. Every time we buy into the enemy’s lies, convince ourselves this one thing isn’t that big of a deal, believe what he whispers to us, we are one step closer to his ultimate plan for our lives – to “steal” our destiny, “kill” our humanity, and “destroy” our eternity. I am sure this young man didn’t wake up one day this angry, crazed and lonely. Maybe it started with one little lie whispered by the enemy that said “No one likes you!” and when he bought into that. It was an open door for the next lie and the next and….well, If not for the grace of God, where would WE be?

Tweet This Post

The tragedy of Indifference

So I sought for a man among them who would make a wall, and stand in the gap before Me on behalf of the land, that I should not destroy it; but I found no one. Ezekiel 22:30

I must confess I had planned to write something else, but I read my husband’s blog earlier in the day and became consumed, for a lack of a better word, at my indifference toward the tragedy at VT yesterday. I will tell you that immediately upon hearing about this event yesterday I began to pray…I did pray for the students, for their safety and for the families affected by this tragedy, but more than that I felt compelled to pray for mercy from the Lord for our nation. Yet today, if I am completely honest, really had not feel terribly moved by the tragedy at VT, then again I haven’t had time to watch the news much either. That sounds horrible and it made me feel horrible to realize that something so tragic could take place in our nation, and I could be so numb to it.

I began to question God, “What is wrong with me? Why do I not feel some great sadness? Why is my heart not grieved the way I know your heart is? Why am I unaffected by this event?”

The truth is I probably already knew the answer. I was talking about it in a different context with some co-workers today. We as Americans are so comfortable and busy with “our life” than we don’t have time to think about anyone else. We have been so conditioned to accept violence and death as a part of our day to day life that it really doesn’t strike us anymore. I can remember the 1st school shooting. My son was getting ready to start kindergarten and all I could think about was “I can’t send him to school!” but now it seems like things like this are becoming common place.

Am I willing to accept that there is no safe place in America anymore? Am I willing to accept that violence is a part of my daily life and that there is nothing I can do about it? Am I willing to sit back and watch as our nations youth fall prey to the lies and deception of the enemy and feel the only means of power and strength is through the trigger of a gun?

My heart screams “NO!”, but my actions say “Yes.” I don’t believe this is what we have to settle for, but I do believe it will only increase if we as Christians do not take a stand against the enemy over the faith of our nation. I guess the question is “Are we willing to take a stand now, or will it have to personally affect us before we will care enough to get in the fight?”

Tweet This Post

The Power of Death

Where were you when you first heard the news of 9/11? What did you feel? What was the first image that you saw and what did you hear?

Tweet This Post

My Battle

As I have pondered what to share today, I have thought on several occassions “I don’t have time, I have way too much to do. I have nothing to share, I can’t even think straight.” Then it hit me, I have been reading about everyone else’s struggles, but have failed to recognize my own. Although I have been very aware that I was completely overwhelmed, I have been completely blind to the fact that it was a complete attack. I have felt like I was losing my mind, couldn’t catch up, the world was spinning like a gerbel wheel on overdrive and I was the gerbil who couldn’t keep up, flipping over and over and over unable to even clearly see where to try to put my feet.

Tweet This Post

It is Finished!

How many times have we heard the story of the crucifixion and resurrection? How many times have we heard it said “It is finished!”? How many times have we entered church on Easter Sunday, sang the same songs, heard the same story, and, if we are honest, left the same way we arrived? I have heard many times in recent years “Every Sunday is Resurrection Sunday, we don’t have to wait for Easter!” and while that is true, I believe the very idea that people who would never grace the doors of a church building except for on this day, creates an atmosphere for God to show up and do something special if we will let him.

Today I went to church, knowing what was going to happen in terms of what had been planned. In my mind it seemed a little silly. I just didn’t see it being very significant, but guess what…God showed up! Across the front of the alter were cross ties, and on the stage was a cross. Pastor Ron spoke on what it meant for Christ to die, to take on the sin of the world…my favorite quote of the day, which he got from another pastor on TV this morning was “God treated Christ like man on the cross, so he could in turn treat us like Christ.” The power of that statement hit me like a ton of bricks. I know I am an heir. I know he sees me through the blood of his son, but for some reason that statement just struck home.

When he finished they we were instructed to look in the pocket in front of us, there was a piece of black paper and pencil. He explained that we were to write everything that we struggled with, everything Christ died for, and then bring it to the cross and nail it there. I knew this was going to happen, because as a member of the worship team we were told so that we could be prepared to be an example and I really thought that was a good idea because I thought it would be overwhelming, uncomfortable or silly for people at first, but to my amazement. When he finished talking, opened the alters, it was like watching people storm the doors at Walmart on Black Friday. As I waited in line for my turn, I watched people with incredible passion nail their paper to the beam. I watched my father, a very unemotional man, as he hammered with such passion that piece of paper that had represented his struggles. I could have written it off as being a product of being a perfectionist and waiting to show off his great hammering skills, but I knew it was so much more than that. I saw a side of my dad I had never seen, a vulnerable, tender side that reminded me of how hard his life had been, and how hard he had worked to make sure my life was not the same way.

We nailed our struggles and sins to the cross and then one by one, took communion. It was a monumental day in the life of our church and in my life. I was amazed at the overwhelming power of what took place and the presence of the Father in that moment. When the last nail was hammered, we stood worshipping our Saviour with a new understanding of what it meant to hear “It is finished!”

Tweet This Post

Growing Up

Today my children had the incredible opportunity to be in the wedding of some very good friends that Johnny and I have had the opportunity to watch grow up and they in turn have had the opportunity to watch my children grow up. As usual, I got somewhat sentimental by the end of the day. Daniel and Abbie have spent a many of evenings at our home when we were hosting the college ministry. We have had many long discussions, and shared many laughs. It was a long day, but as I sat there I realized how special it was to me that my children got to be a part of the wedding. That my children will be forever a part of their lives regardless of where life takes us, just like their parents are forever a part of my life.

I sat there in the wedding thinking about how Daniel’s parents had been youth leaders when I was in youth group and how Daniel and his brother and sister were so small when I first met them. (Talk about feeling old!) I thought about what Daniel and Abbie were like when they first started dating and how much they had grown and matured. Then I began to realize how fast time flys, how we take life for granted and rush through our daily lives unaware most days that we will look back one day and think “Where did the time go?” I actually managed to hold back the tears until the reception when Daniel started dancing with his mom and she just buried her head in his shoulder. Wow! That made an impact! It was just one more reminder to me not to take life so serious and to love life and every moment I am blessed to enjoy with my family and friends.

Tweet This Post

Settled but Not Satisfied!

OK, I promised I would post some pictures of our new house. This is it! I can’t believe it. We are very excited. When God does things, he does it far better than we could ever think or plan. I still don’t understand the reasons or depth of what he is doing by moving us back up to where I grew up, but I can’t help but feeling in my spirit, it goes far beyond having land to build on and the ability to have our dream house. God’s got something bigger in mind and I don’t know what it is, I just know there’s more. Anyway, on to what I really planned on talking about this morning. Being Settled but not Satisfied.

I can’t tell you how many times in the past week I have attempted to write this blog, but the thoughts just wouldn’t come. I knew God was doing something in my spirit but just couldn’t verbalize what it was. It boils down to being settled but not satisfied. I am settled with the fact that I teach Pre-K (for now). I am settled that I am moving to Rocky Point (for now). I am settled that we are called to be at The Rock (for now). I am settled that I am right where God wants me, involved in what God has called me to be involved in and accomplishing what God has for me (for now). But in all that I am not satisfied. I know God has more.

I have lived my life one of two ways, either I have settled into what God had for me at that point and become satisfied to stay there, to just become complacent and lethargic or I have been at the other end of the spectrum – so consumed by what I believe my future held, completely unsettled with where I was and living life on hold, accomplishing nothing, trying to get to where I believed I should be to accomplish God’s plan for my life (IE – in ministry) and missing everything God had for me in the process. I am unwilling to do either anymore! I won’t live satisfied, but I won’t live unsettled either! (I say that by faith because I know how easy it is to fall back into old habits and ways)

God has a better plan, a higher call, that requires each day of our lives to be walked out, understanding that every step is ordered and has a purpose, yet it is not the final destination. Today is not where God has me for the rest of my life, but it is where he has me for today and if I am here, there is a purpose for being right here in this very spot both physically and spiritually and I don’t want to miss what He has for me here. In the same token, tomorrow is a different day, with a different purpose and possibly a different physical, spiritual, and emotional destination, I would be foolish to settle tomorrow for what God had for me today. But if I live life on hold, waiting for tomorrows manna, I may not ever get it, because it may be that I have to accomplish today’s purposes, before tomorrows can be revealed.

His word says “The steps of a good man are ordered (established) by the Lord, And He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;For the Lord upholds him with His hand.” Psalm 37:23-24. Today I will live my life settled that I am where God wants me, doing what He has for me to do, but hungry to see the next step, the bigger picture, the next mile of the journey. I will run the race with perseverance, understanding the race doesn’t end until I see Him face to face and enter his heavenly kingdom. Let’s live life Settled but not Satisfied!

Tweet This Post