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Things I have learned since Becoming Children’s Director – Number 3

God is Merciful and Gracious

Seems simple enough right?  We here it all the time.  “We serve a merciful God”, “God is gracious and full of mercy” 

Until recently I never thought much about how David went from the fields tending to sheep to leading a nation or how Moses went from  being a murderer to becoming Israel’s deliver.  I grew up in church so often those stories though very real have been tainted by rose colored glasses.  You don’t focus on the stupid stuff they did along the way.  You don’t focus on the mistakes they made,  you focus on the miracle that God used an unlikely source and made a great leader.

Recently, I started thinking about how gracious God has to be that He still choices the least likely to put in places of leadership.  If He wasn’t full of grace, He would have given up this idea long ago.  Unless you are willing to be gracious you gotta know the kind of people He picks are gonna mess up a lot,  yet He continues to choose those very people.

I’m glad He has been gracious and merciful to me.  He has given me more than I could have ever dreamed, allowed me to make mistakes, but spared me just in time.

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10 Things I’ve Learned Since Becoming Children’s Director – Number 4

Leadership Hurts!

I have always had a tremendous respect for leaders and what they have to go through, especially growing up in church and watching people come and go, but I never fully understood it.

Leadership hurts sometimes.  It hurts because it’s hard not to take it personally when someone gets mad, has to leave, or just quits.  It’s hard not to take it personally when people say things out of frustration and anger.  That’s just life in general, no one likes to be talked about, make people mad or feel abandoned.

The harder part of leadership for me, and the greater hurt that I have felt, had less to do with people hurting me, but the pain I felt as I realized some of my actions had hurt others.  The truth is I am far from perfect.  I have done a lot wrong in the last year and have a pretty good idea I will do a lot wrong in the years to come. I know that the mistakes I’ve made, have been mistakes that came from a good heart.  My motives and intentions were pure, but my methods were not always the best.  Regardless of how pure my intentions were, hurt is hurt and realizing that you have hurt someone God has entrusted  you to oversee is painful.  That hurts far more than the words of someone had has become offended for no apparent reason.

I don’t know that this part of leadership will ever change.  I just have a greater understanding of it now.

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10 Things I’ve Learned Since Becoming a Children’s Director – Number 6

Someone to Share!

Children’s Ministry is unique.  It has it’s own set of challenges that many people don’t understand, even people in ministry.  I was fortunate to have a senior pastor who not only lead Children’s Ministry at one point in his career but also had a wife, who happened to be a close friend of mine, who had lead it before me.  Both of them have been incredibly supportive and helpful.

One of the best decisions I have made during this first year is connecting with the children’s director at LifePoint Church, Tiffany.  We had talked several times and I had actually had the opportunity to watch her in action one Sunday at LifePoint before I came on staff.

A couple of months ago we finally decided to take time to meet for coffee and it was the most refreshing conversation I had in a long time.  We quickly agreed this needed to be a regular thing.  And I have to tell you, it’s one of my favorite days of the month now!

Everyone needs someone that can understand and share in their struggles and successes.  The greatest part of this relationship is that we are not in a competition with each other, we are on a journey together.  This isn’t about our individual churches being successful, it’s about how we can more effectively reach the children of our city.  I thank God for the amazing friend He has blessed me with.

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10 Things I’ve Learned Since Becoming Children’s Director – Number 8

The Team is a Reflection of the Leader

Early on I had a close friend who happened to be one of my volunteers tell me “Helen, your team is a reflection of you!”  I knew exactly what he meant because I am married to a football coach.  I had watched as one coach could take a group of kids and have little to know success on the football field and then a year later a different coach take those same kids and make them chanmpions, and then watch a different coach the next year, with the same group of kids have a losing season.  The kids didn’t change, the leader did!  The kids can’t go where the coach doesn’t take them.

 See, I loved my job!  I loved it!  But Sunday morning, the time when a Children’s Director should be all about people, all about the kids, at the top of her game, I was all about stress.  I would find myself rushing around like I had lost my mind.  I wasn’t operating with any peace or joy.  I was simple reacting to whatever circumstances were thrown at me.

My reflection is still not everything I want it to be.  There is still a lot I have to work on, things I have to get better at, but as I make changes, I have seen those changes reflected in my team.  Sometimes the hardest things to hear turn out to be the greatest lessons.  If I didn’t like what I was seeing it was no one’s fault but my own, so only I could fix it!

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10 Things I’ve Learned Since Being a Children’s Director – Number 9

Leading isn’t like Playing!

Just because you are good at football doesn’t mean you’ll be a good football coach.  Neither does being a good teacher make you a good Children’s Director!  I experienced several times in my teaching career when I watched an amazing teacher take on a leadership role and observed from the outside as the wheels fell off.  I can actually remember telling Johnny about a principle I had “——— is an amazing person and thinks the world of me, but s/he doesn’t have a clue how to lead me!”

On the other hand, I had absolutely amazing leaders that I would have jumped off the cliff for if they had asked me to.  I trusted them, believed in their vision, and wanted to be a part of what they were doing.  I almost went to teach middle school (the grade levels I said I would NEVER teach) just because that leader was the principle and I loved working for her.

It’s funny though, when you get to the place where you are having to make decisions others won’t like, the perspective changes.  How quickly I forgot what it was like to sit in a meeting where the leader couldn’t make a decision and where everyone’s opinions were heard over and over again without any resolution.  The frustration and irritation with just wanting someone to make a decision would make me nuts.  Yet, I forgot?

How quickly I forgot how clear and high the expectations of those great leaders I had so faithfully followed had been.  Those leaders didn’t waiver.  They didn’t compromise!  They persued with a passion what they believed was right for the children we were serving and they expected the same commitment from anyone that worked for them.  They never made apologies for what they asked us to do.  They assumed if we were there, we believed in where we were going and no apologies were needed.

There was a moment during this year when I realized “I am that leader – not the good one, the one that frustrated me to no end.  The one I said was a great friend and thought the world of his/her teachers but had no idea how to lead them!”  Talk about a punch in the gut.  Realizing you are what you absolutely loathed is a little heart wrenching.  So I simply began examining what about that leader I didn’t like and what I did love about the other leaders I’ve known, started reading leadership books and began making some changes.

Teaching came easy for me, leading is a work in progress!

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Taking on a New Challenge

A few days ago I attended ONE with my senior pastor, Bryan McGee, and our youth pastor, Matthew Ray.  We had a great time, learned a lot, and just enjoyed being with each other.  I am so blessed to be working with people who aren’t just co-workers.  They are my family and I love them dearly. 

Pastor Bryan let me ride in the front on the way home.  He said it was so he could study, but seeing how he didn’t study at all on the way home, I think it was because he really didn’t want me to get car sick again! 

Anyway, on the way back we had some very deep discussions and some well…not so sure what kind of discussions.  One of our deep discussions was a conversation that challenged me about what I’m doing to grow.  I HATE to read.  It has always been a struggle for me and even though I have gotten better, it is still no where near where it should be. 

I never want to be satisfied with where I am.  I never want to stop learning, but if that is the case I have to pursue learning…So I figured if I put it out here for the world to see, I’d have to be accountable to actually follow up on what I am doing.

Here is what I have been reading….

Still working on this one.  Good info so far.

Finished about 2 months ago – great book

Finished last week – great book

Bought this several months ago.  Started it, but got sidetracked and never finished it. Will have to go back and start all over now.

So here is my plan.  My goal is a book every 2 weeks.  I am going to make a commitment to read a book in each of the following areas

1.  Ministry  – books that will help me grow in what I do as a Children’s Director
2. Parenting/Children – books that will help me be a better parent and that will help me help other parents grow in our ability to raise Godly children
3. Enjoyment – books that will challenge me on a personal level that has nothing to do with me as a Children’s Director or me as a parent, but has everything to do with ME and who I am to God!

This list may change since I’ve never done this before, but this is where I will start.  You can come back next week and I will post a review on the book Children’s Ministry in the 21st Century. 

If you have recommendations feel free to leave me a comment.

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